Who: Edwin, Sayang's Dar, Kitty's Puppy, Angel's Devil
What: Male
When: 21/09/1984 (Virgo/Mice)
Where: Singapore
How: Erm...... Ah..... Eh..... Haha.....
Why: To love, to hug, to kiss and to take care of Sayang
Whose: Sayang
Friends' Review:
"edwin-ahhhhhhhh....heh..yea yea i
still love u anyway fer being tt
maniacal lil bully tt u are..heh..i
tell u guys this guy is a GEM!!big
macho facade but a real fren a real
softie..miss his idiosyncrasies, most
of all his dark satirical humor..he
was one of e lights in my class back
in ny...dude dun let e dogs out ye
hear?aight man, crash..." Syah, 02112003
"was my section mate during BMT.. was a
very good friend during those times..
missed those times where we will be
crapping together in bunk and playing
daidee... and bitching about certain
people in our section.. *wink* must
keep in touch ya?" Eugene, 02112003
"Known u 4 only 4 months in BMT but we
gone thru' alot of shit together......
muz endure somemore till ORD lehhhh......" Kangwei, 01112003
"yo friend.. how life been for u?? long
time never meet up liao.. take care..
anyway been friend for 12 yrs liao..
long indeed. from pri to sec to jc.. a
nice and joyful friend to be with..
funny and talk cock at times.. think
know u the longest wan here.. hey
girls! nice guy to be with... :)" Zhiyao, 23102003
"Aww come on, let's face it -- Eddie has
this ridiculous, streakish and backlash
humour that nobody in his teens would
harbour for, has a craving for or
appreciate. Maybe there are many more
guys with a more serious humour problem
than him, I do not know, but this guy
definitely has a penchant for idiotic
sub-zero ironies and jokes comin' out
from none other than the freeZer! Other
than that, i know him as this sensitive
fella with own high standards of
himself, without crazy whims, but is
pliant, adaptable wif some bits of
emotional waves in his subconsciousness
but most importantly, he's truly a loyal
friend who keeps a storage trunk smwhere
buried in the back of his head for those
memories you once shared with him." Layling, 20102003
forever loving you...
yah before that sat, i admit...
there are times where i dun quite listen to you...
but then after that?
cant you feel that i've been trying to listen to you....
you said communication is a 2 way thing...
2 way doesn't mean you talk i listen...
dun you feel like i have things to say as well?
do you really give me the chance?
do you really give me the time?
after our communication classes, i tot you would have noticed your stage hogging behaviour...
but apparently no...
from the lesson, i've realised that i get too easily distracted everytime...
a simple noise, a single movement from you, i'll miss out on what you are trying to say...
thats why everytime you speak, i have that blank look...
it doesn't mean that i'm not listening...
i'm just trying very hard to concentrate on what you are telling me...
you should know by now, that i cant multitask for nuts...
and do you really listen to me?
how much of the things i've told you that you really hear?
or rather, do you give me much chances to say what i wanted to say?
and why do you say i dun care about how you feel?
you say you want more time for yourself and for your friends...
i agree, i too need time for that too...
do i still keep sticking myself to you?
do i send you home so often now?
do i keep asking you if you are ok?
yah maybe i've always asked when you are ok...
but look at the amount of time we spend together now...
do i get to see you so often now?
if i dunno that you are not feeling good...
is it because i dunno? or dun care?
now let me ask you back the same question.
do you know how i feel?
for the past two weeks, i feel more like an accessory that only comes in handy when you needed it.
you try to recall...
for the past two weeks..
how many times have you contacted me just because you needed something from me?
how many times have you look for me just to be with me?
i have tried to find time to tell you, to let you know...
but i've failed so many times and i've learnt to tolerate it...
i'm not as determined as you....
i dun insist on getting smthg so much so that it gets to me..
i learnt to accept it so that i can get on with my life normally...
and try not to look sian...
i'm trying very hard already...
but its really not easy when something is troubling me...
you said that i'm too controlling....
thinking about what you've told me that sat...
yes i admit and i apologised...
i have tried my best...
i've stop asking you to go to sleep...
i've stop forcing you to do things the way i wanted...
i started to give suggestions instead of instructions...
i dunno if you mistook my intentions...
but i'm really trying very hard...
i've let you do things you wanted even though how much i dun like it...
i've given you support when you do things that i dun like...
i'm really trying very hard...
can you feel it?
or am i still too controlling?
you say i dun talk to the rest of the gang....
you ask around...
have i been behaving differently?
you go think about it...
have i been trying to mix around more?
i not doing all these just for you...
i'm doing it for myself...
yes last saturday was part of the reason...
but majority of why i was trying so hard to change was because of the book...
Tuesday with Morrie...
do you remember what i've told you about the book?
how it made me cry and think so much?
all along and since the beginning, i've told you that all i wanted in a relationship...
was to have someone who i can talk to and care and show concern for me...
talk?
yes, in the beginning...
you were so wonderful... you can listen to me... console me... no matter what i say...
then slowly, things change, you told me that the things i tell you made you sad as well...
you feel very tired and bad when you have to act cheerful and console me when obviously i was not feeling happy...
so i slowly stop... and started to find someone else whom i can talk to...
care and concern...
in the beginning, i was like in a dream....
i have never felt so much love from someone...
then as time passes... i started to feel less than a friend...
you told me not to assume things so i tried to get answers...
but the answers were never there...
i dun want to go all the way back before that sat...
i'll use my recent injury...
do you know that my finger is still hurting a lot?
how many times on your own have you asked me if my finger is ok already?
i've learnt so much and got use to the fact that there are just some things that you wont say because of certain reason which you would not tell me and not want me to assume...
you say got sick of asking cos i wont tell...
but think... why i dun tell? by telling you, there is bound to be some expectations from me that you would do or say smthg...
but most of the time, nothing...
so to avoid disappointments, ive learnt to keep things to myself...
you really want to know why i walked away yesterday?
its because of what you have said to me...
the way you have scolded me...
you've made me feel so bad that i cant even face myself...
you say i didnt apologise...
are you sure?
yes i have tried to explain why i made the mistake and gave you suggestions...
but did you hear me saying 'Sorry' too?
did you notice how guilty i was?
did you notice how sad i was for angering you?
you ask me not to degrade myself...
but at that moment of time, you have made me felt like a total piece of shit...
how am i supposed to face you when i'm so filled up with guilt and remorse?
when i cant even face myself...
you told me that sat...
your dress sense...
you have said i should have known...
yes... but would not all bf be overprotective?
i know you dare to bare a bit of skin...
i'm ok with that...
but i'm just not ok with the way you behave...
wearing those short skirts, you know how easy it is for something to happen...
yes you can wear, but you dun really know how to properly take of yourself...
and then you expose too much...
unless you are in a foreign country...
you would not be able to find someone who is ok with their gf for baring too much...
so after that sat, i've let you wear what you want...
i dun made you feel bad for wearing heels...
i dun question you for what you wear...
i've only asked you to take care of yourself when you want to bare...
present of perverts in these world is very scary...
you say you can take care of yourself and not like you are a little girl who needs protection...
sometimes, i can see things better than you...
so dun try to blame me when i try to cover you up suddenly...
it just mean that someone is staring and i'm not comfortable with it...
if i could, i would do it to Sa they all also... but i'm not their bf...
i'm not happy when someone is staring at my friends... not to mention when it happens to you...
i wont stop you from wearing... but i just want you to take care of yourself...
and i dun want to regret one day should something happen to you because i did nothing...
people have been telling me that i had gave in too much...
and these people, are not my family...
they are our our friends...
the problem is there, just that i have ignore it because i loved you too much...
i just took it in my stride...
and now i have to take a stand...
in the past, i've always been the one who gave in...
think carefully, have we really quarrelled before?
have i rebutted you before like how i've did this time?
so dun blame me for making the decision...
i just want to become the me i use to be...
holding on to my believe and not giving in...
now what i believe is that, i know my plan is going to bear fruits, so i wont give it up...
and my mom...
i know that she is the main problems...
and i know that you dun like people to back stab you...
and i know you wont change your personality so as to please someone...
yes i have talk and explain to my mom...
but it takes time....
i've been trying very hard to explain and clarify things with her...
explaining the reason why you are the way you are...
and she's beginning to understand a bit...
this is what i wanted to tell you on monday when you went to town...
thats why i wanted to follow you...
but you refused to let me...
for my family, your mom is only half right...
making use... yes...
of your financial status... no...
what they wanted was your knowledge...
what they are interested in is your skills...
like you cooking dinner for us...
esp during the time when both of us come home early before everyone else...
or like one day trying your mom's cooking... for you keep saying how good a cook she is...
and like your knowledge about places and things that they have not seen before...
like your computer skills...
tts all they wanted...
and i cant say that these sort of making use is too much...
never had taking advantages of your family financial status come across their mind...
i'm sorry that i didnt get it the first time you told me on thurs night...
but after that i got it...
i wanted to explain to you why i agreed to your statements on thurs night yesterday...
but then i screwed up the present and you know what happens next...
so pls... dun use the ME before that sat as the reason...
look at the ME during these two weeks...
look at the efforts i had put in...
dun just look at the bad side...
dun overlook my my efforts...
dun just give up because i've made mistakes during a period when you are stressed out...
i'm not overshadowing your efforts...
i can see them too...
i can feel it too...
and i'm very grateful for them...
i know that you dun want to put me in a difficult position as well...
i just want to make sure that you know what i've been doing...
and the reason why i've been doing these things...
we can take a break from each other...
for both of to reflect on our actions...
but i will never agree to breaking up unless i really see no hope in us...
ps. just for the record...
i really have no idea who this marc is...
he is not my friend...
and my blog has always been around...
why you cant access it yesterday...
i do not know...
9:27 am